Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Good News & Bad News

Where oh where do I begin...?

I guess I'll start with the good news first.  Who doesn't like good news, right?

Something exciting should be happening between now and the end of July barring no unexpected events that would change that.  What you ask?  Well, I'm going to keep that a secret.  Partly because I think it will be fun to keep you all in suspense until the official announcement can be made.  And partly because I'm concerned what y'all will think of me.

Gosh, that makes it sound bad doesn't it?

Oh well, it is what it is and it's staying a secret!

Now to the bad news :(

These past two weeks have been crazy to say the least but that's no excuse for letting myself do what I normally do.  What I'm saying is just because there was a bunch of stuff going on in my life doesn't mean I should have let myself revert back to having Mountain Dew on a daily basis.  I shouldn't have let myself forget about my goal to get back on track with exercise and eating better.

Life happens, on a daily basis, so I need to learn to deal with what life throws at me in a way that doesn't result in feeling badly about myself.  I need to learn to deal with what life throws at me in a way that I don't use it as an excuse to do what I normally do.  I need to learn to live my life the way I want, and need, to live it.

There!  I've said it...again.  I'm starting over, or however you want to say it, again.

Blogging consistently is something I need to do.  Even during the tough, crappy, blah times that I go through in life.  Why?  Because I'm not accountable to myself.  I feel more guilt and want to change my ways for the next day more when I put it out in the blogging world for all to read than I do when only I know what I've done.

Is that weird?  Is that bad?

Shouldn't being accountable to myself be enough?  Or is that something that comes with time?

Maybe some day being accountable to myself will be enough...

Monday, June 13, 2011

If Heaven wasn't so far away...

I'd take my bird dog Bo huntin' one more time.

Those are part of the lyrics to a Justin Moore song that took on a whole lot more meaning for me this weekend.

Friday morning my mom called the vet.  She, my dad, and my brother ended up taking him in that morning.  From the time Duke was last seen by the vet on Tuesday May 31st a bunch of lumps formed.  From what I understand he had some in his lymph nodes, in his stomach area, and one which I had noticed along his spine.  The diagnosis was that Duke had cancer and getting anaplasmosis (the tick carried disease) basically made the cancer flare up and start to show symptoms.

It was determined that the best option was to put Duke to sleep.  The vet was ready to do it during that visit but my parents said they couldn't do it while I wasn't there.  They were given some new pain medication for Duke to help keep him more comfortable until the next day.

Friday night was tough.  I found myself wondering what is harder; knowing they're going to go and having to wait for that time to come, or having them go unexpectedly?  I never came to a conclusion.

Saturday I had an appointment to go to.  My parents went with me and we brought Duke along.  Once we got home we only had a few hours left with him.  We each took some alone time with Duke.  During mine I told him that everything would be better soon.  No more pain, you'll be able to run again, you can hunt all the pheasants, mice, and rabbits you want, and you'll be able to play fetch as much as you want because there will always be a ball thrown for you.

The time came for us to go to the vet.  My brother decided he didn't want to be there so it was just my parents and I.

About a half hour after arriving at the vet we were on our way home.  We took Duke home with us and he was buried next to our first dog Babe.

I went home and laid on the floor on top of Duke's doggy napper for a couple of hours.

Duke is in a better place and our house now feels empty.  This is the first time in 22 years that my family hasn't had a dog.  This is my first time without having a dog in my whole life.  Later this year in October will be the first time in 31 years that my dad will not go to South Dakota pheasant hunting.  We're dealing with a lot of firsts right now.

The selfish side of me didn't want him to go and still wishes he wasn't gone.  But I know he is in a better place now and that my family will heal.

Yesterday was Duke's 10th birthday.  I know he had the best birthday he could have ever wished for.

I miss and love you always and forever Duke!  I'll see you again some day.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Wild Rollercoaster Ride

That is exactly what this whole thing with my dog Duke has been.  The last time I posted (Friday 6/3/11) I was all excited that things were improving with him.  Unfortunately they went back downhill.  Duke was vomiting a lot, unable to keep food down.  Monday morning when I went to give him his second medicine he didn't want the peanut butter sandwich that the pill was hiding in.  I called the vet and got some tips of what to do to try to help.  The next morning I called with an update for the vet about whether that helped.  It didn't.  Our vet decided to take him off of the antibiotics he's on as some dogs are really sensitive to it and hopefully that's what is irritating his stomach.  Luckily it seems like that's what it was.  Since taking him off the antibiotics he's been keeping food down and even made it through the whole night last night without vomiting!  I don't want to jinx it but things are starting to look up again.  In a week, if all goes well between now and then, our vet is going to probably put him back on the antibiotics but at a lower dose.

I feel terrible about neglecting my blog, reading and commenting on yours, and my journey to a healthier life.  But sometimes there are just more important things in life.  It's sad that dogs have a shorter life span than us.  Duke may be the second dog our family has had but he's the one that's made that special connection with us.  Don't get me wrong, we loved our first dog, but Duke just has such a different personality and he's not so much a daddy's boy, he'll do things with all of us and craves attention from us all and shows it in such funny ways.  To have Duke hurting, not feeling well, or possible have something so wrong with him that we would need to say good-bye is soooo hard.  Monday and Tuesday morning I've cried on the phone to my mom who is all the way in Denver for work this week.  Yesterday was the first day I didn't cry, and now I'm continuing with that today.

I appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts, and well wishes so so so so much!  If you don't mind I ask that you continue sending them my way until Duke is deemed "better" by the vet and we're no longer worrying and constantly noting things that happen with him so we can update the vet.  Basically keep sending them my way until this rollercoaster ride is over and I'm safely back on solid ground.

I'll do my best to get back into blogging, my journey to a healthier life, and of course following your blogs soon!

Friday, June 3, 2011


Well I have some pretty freaking awesome news for you bloggy friends...Duke has been improving since his visit to the vet on Tuesday!!!!  You have no idea how happy this makes me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts this week!!  I feel so blessed to have such awesome readers, and dare I say friends, who are there when I need them for their support and prayers!

Tuesday he was re-checked by the vet and had full blood work done to check everything to make sure there was nothing else going on with his body.  The disease he has become a bit more serious though as we were informed that it's a lot like lymes disease was about 20 years ago when it was first discovered; information and treatment plans were always changing so they don't know how exactly to treat or how serious the disease is.  The vet informed us that they have lost dogs from this disease.  Scary stuff!

He was prescribed a steroid medication to start on that night and he's been improving ever since.  My mom called to give the vet the update (as we were told to do) and tomorrow we are lowering the dosage from 1 and 1/2 tablets to 1 tablet every 12 hours for two days and then to a 1/2 tablet.  If he would start going backwards in his progress we go back to the dosage that was helping.  We have to call again on Tuesday to update them on how things are going.  Fingers crossed that things keep improving and soon my family has our dog back!

Due to the crazy emotions throughout this week and caring for Duke I've been a bit distracted in the evenings so I haven't been writing as I would have liked to.  I thought summer would lead to consistent posting but so far not so much :(  I'm going to work on that!

On the weight loss front...

I've determined that losing weight on my own, away from Sparkpeople, just isn't working for me.  As of Wednesday I've logged in every day, been tracking my meals as much as I can (which really isn't very much), and while I haven't "officially" worked out yet I have been thinking about it a lot more than I had been.  I really want to make progress this summer and not look back.  It feels like forever since I've felt good about myself and where I'm at/headed.

Anyways, that's a brief update of what's going in my life.  I'll bore you ( ;) ) with more posts soon!