What the H-E-double hockey sticks am I doing??

Just so you know this post is probably not going to be very positive so if you don't want to read a negative Nelly post skip this one.  And I apologize that it seems like I probably do a lot of negative posts but honestly, that's how I feel and this blog is for me to get those negative feelings out there instead of holding them in.

Lately I am wondering what the h-e double hockey sticks I am doing with my life.  More specifically my health and school.

Thursday I biked with my friend Sami.  I planned to take Friday off and bike again alone or with my dad Saturday or Sunday.  I did neither.

Thursday afternoon through Sunday I basically was a couch potato and accomplished nothing other than reading blogs and watching TV.  I had homework that needed to get done like yesterday.

I now have a lot on my plate for this afternoon/evening after I get home from work.  I am going to feel overwhelmed and will probably resist just sitting down and getting it all done.

And I'm wondering why...

I mean seriously, why would I choose to not use the time available to work on homework so I can avoid feeling overwhelmed?

Why would I choose to not use the time available to bike as planned?  Am I really that lazy?

School is approaching the end (thank God!) but I still have so much to do and I just don't know what has turned me into the student who is fine with turning assignments in late, or not doing them at all.  I never was this way, even in high school when I started my procrastination.

I keep talking about how I want to lose weight, and how after my most recent appointment with my doctor in April I need to lose weight for medical reasons but yet I'm still not putting the effort in on my own time.

I can't rely on a work out buddy.  I need to do this on my own most of the time.

I've blogged about my plans and struggles to give up Mountain Dew, or really soda in general, but I have yet to really stick to the plan and follow through.  I keep saying it's because it is available in my house.  But we all know that's just an excuse.  Yes, it would be easier to kick the habit if it wasn't in the house but it is my choice.  I can just say no if I really want to.  Same with at work and at school.  Is it available for me to buy from a vending machine?  Yes.  Do I have to buy one?  NO!

Why is it so hard for me to just say no to soda??

I just feel extremely frustrated with myself lately.  I don't understand what I need to feel like in order for it to set in that I'm doing this to myself and I can change my ways to not feel frustrated and every other negative feeling.

I hope I can turn things around before I hit "rock bottom" and just feel so terrible that I have to make the necessary changes.

If you stuck around this long, thank you.  I appreciate the time it took you to read this and leave a comment.

Goal: Be more positive.  Find something good I've done each day.  Make more good things happen each day.  Be the person I want to be, not the person I make myself be.